Written by My Collaborative Team member, Anthony J. Diaz.

I started ballroom dancing a few years ago.  What started out as curious and new became an exciting way to exercise and have fun.  In becoming very proficient, I learned intricacies of each move and they were different.  One in particular was the Tango.  It’s a very deliberate dance in which each partner is required to be in sync with the other as well as the music.  This requires trusting the process to achieve the outcome of moving down the floor seeming easy and graceful (although trust me, it is not!).  Learning this move takes time and effort but the end result finally comes together because of the partners working together to create what you see on the dance floor.  When each partner does their part, their partner looks good as well as the dance itself.

Working with the Collaborative process is very similar:  Both spouses deciding to divorce may start out in a “dance” centered around what each wants as they try to navigate through the ending of their marriage.  It can be tricky and complicated when each one is in their own corner.  Working as a team seems out of the picture and unheard of.

What I’ve witnessed and have been a part of is divorces that are successfully resolved through the Collaborative process are a result of both spouses working through a difficult “dance” by working together.  The couple can choose to act in sync with decisions that have to be made or not.  As in the Tango, each spouse has a role to “play” in working toward a common goal.  If their intention is not to have an equitable outcome, the “dance” becomes messy and creates a space that gets in the way of resolution. However, if they decide to resolve their case without going to court and trust the Collaborative process, they can create a “dance” to achieve a result that’s fair and works for both.

It takes two to tango.  Its not easy and takes a lot of work.  But when the partners understand what their role is in the process, they can turn a complicated “dance” into a beautiful synchronistic movement. Collaborative divorce embraces the benefit of working together to achieve a common goal without going to court. This is a dance worth learning.