Read about it on Wednesday, Discuss it on Friday at 1 p.m. at The Think Tank

Your client informs you that her husband promised to care for her for the rest of her life.  Therefore, she expects alimony until she dies. Obviously, the idea of alimony for life is an unrealistic expectation, but not to your client.

Another client tells you that her husband promised to give her the marital home. She believes that to mean that it will not be included in the division of assets. Is that a realistic expectation? Certainly, to the client it is.

Collaborative Ethical Standard 3.2B states “a Collaborative Professional will assist the client(s) in establishing realistic expectations in the Collaborative Process.  But realistic to whom?

In a Collaborative Divorce, reasonable expectations generally include a respectful, problem-solving process. The goal is to resolve issues through negotiation and informed decision-making rather than having a judge decide disputed matters. Each spouse should expect complete, accurate financial and other relevant information needed to make informed decisions. Each person should have meaningful opportunities to identify their concerns, priorities, and interests. The parties can seek creative solutions tailored to their family, but neither spouse should expect to receive everything they want.

Where children are involved, expectations should focus on their developmental, emotional, financial, and practical needs rather than using them as leverage in negotiations.

Participants should expect difficult conversations and disagreement, but also respectful communication and good-faith efforts to reach mutually acceptable agreements.

A useful way to help your client frame the expectation is: “I should be able to participate meaningfully, receive the information I need, be treated respectfully, and work toward a durable agreement, but I should not expect the process to produce everything I want or eliminate all conflict.”