From the desk of My Collaborative Team President, Edward S. Sachs, ACP
I recently attended a team-building event at Florida International University’s Ropes Course. One of the first activities was for each person to walk a set of tightropes using the shoulders of the other participants to keep balance. Being a financial neutral is like walking a tightrope. You need the help of the other professionals on the team to keep you from falling to one side or the other.
It begins with the very first meetings between the neutral financial and each of the parties. Oftentimes these individual meetings are the NFP’s first introduction to the divorcing couple. I encourage you to include the facilitator at these first meetings. Hopefully, the facilitator has already met the parties and can brief the NFP on their personalities. Most importantly is that the facilitator is better equipped to read whether the party is uncomfortable and can help reassure them that the NFP is neutral (or question the NFP if they step out of line).
Going into a meeting to discuss finances for the first time is a daunting task. As a financial professional, you need to learn everything you can about marital finances. Which party has the records? Which party handled the finances? Who paid the bills? What assets do you own? Have you ever worked during the marriage? Do you plan on working in the future? But which of these questions will upset the person you are interviewing? If you ask the non-earning spouse if they looked at the tax returns before signing or understand how much money their spouse makes, will they think you are being biased toward the earning spouse?
The answer is that any one or all of those questions could be interpreted in different ways by a person you are just meeting. Even statements reassure the party that you will be neutral and will do whatever investigating and will provide them with whatever information they need to achieve a successful settlement.
Throughout the case, the NFP is delivering messages. Sometimes those messages aren’t what the party wants to hear. “I don’t like the NFP, he is pushing my husband’s agenda” or “He seems to be too concerned about how my wife feels.” Most times these are just perceptions of the party and not reality. These concerns must be dealt with. That is where the professional team becomes the tightrope support. If the professionals trust the members of their team, they must remind their clients of that. They should not dismiss the concerns but remind their client how the Collaborative Process works and assure them that such concerns will be discussed and dealt with by the professionals.
