I had coffee with an old friend, a retired Navy SEAL, who had done two tours in Iraq.

It was great catching up.

I had recently seen a video on how to spot a liar and mentioned this to him. It was a Ted talk. He wanted to see it so I pulled it up on my phone. After watching, he said the speaker had some very good points.

I asked him about it because he was trained to work with various people and part of his job was to spot a lie or to confirm intel gathered from another source.

That Ted Talk got me to thinking about married couples and how a spouse can be caught completely off guard by a lie. 

What he told me was, in his training and work, he always looked to establish a baseline for the individual.  What they acted like in a normal conversation.

From there when he moved into the interrogation stage, he could then look for inconsistences in how the individual reacted to certain questions. 

In a marriage a spouse would have that baseline already established.  They just don’t know it. 

The spouse may have a “gut” feeling about certain actions but they just don’t know to look for anything because they have complete trust in their partner. So, no action is taken.

My friend suggested if a spouse suspects something isn’t right, to look at eye contact when asked where their partner was or a flinch in the eyes when answering that question.

Body language, maybe turning away when answering the question.

Physical contact or lack thereof.

Suddenly working out to get in shape and not including the spouse. Maybe enhancing cosmetic surgery.

And of course, working late.

My kids (young adults) and I have a running joke that if they hand me their phone to see a picture and I start swiping through the pictures, they quickly say, “that’s enough, I’ll take my phone back now”.

Same goes for a spouse. Phones are the “new” window to the soul. Or at least what could be going on behind the other’s back.  

Don Morris is a CDFA, Certified Divorce Financial Advisor, who specializes in Collaborative Divorce and owns Columbus Divorce Advisors www.columbusdivorce.net. He is president of the Central Ohio Academy of Collaborative Divorce Professionals. www.winwindivorce.org