Written by Jacinta Gallant - jacintagallant.com
Let’s be real. When we experience our own interpersonal conflict, most of us feel a “churn” of “conflicting” and uncomfortable emotions.
It’s internal. It’s perplexing. And it almost always makes us defensive - judging ourselves for ______ (name your toxic self-talk) and/or judging the other person for being such a jerk.
That’s normal and deeply human. Our brains perceive a threat to something that matters to our hearts.
And when we defend ourselves - a natural and evolutionary response to threat - our behaviours often come across to others as threatening something that matters to them.
Hardly any of these perceptions are verbalized or even understood at the moment of conflict/threat - because our thinking is so focused on reacting to the threat that we can’t open up to hearing or learning something new.
And so we invest our energies in defending.
What if we could become adept at NOTICING when we experience that defensive reaction? And responding with a self-supporting and highly effective listening response?
Listening to our internal judgment and being curious about what is truly going on?
Listening to the “other” who has caused offence - perhaps unintentionally - so we can bring the power of curiosity to the moment.
(Curiosity calms.)
Investing in listening allows for a future of expanded possibilities because our brains and hearts can open up again.
