We should always be questioning ourselves.  Not second guessing what we do but questioning whether what we did was the right thing to do.  Did my actions have a negative effect on the Process?  Did my actions move the Process forward?  By always asking, we will always improve.

Our Ethical Standards require that we not only monitor ourselves but monitor each other on the team.  That is the purpose of de-briefing after every meeting and at any time during the Process that it is needed.

One of the most predominant questions I ask myself is am I remaining neutral? 

How do you remain neutral when one of the clients is being unreasonable?  Of course, that unleashes the question of “What is unreasonable?”  And many of the times they are being unreasonable they are acting contrary to the Participation Agreement.  I have one case in which the wife will not settle unless the husband pays dearly for his indiscretions during the marriage.  And this is above and beyond the credit she is receiving for his dissipation of assets.  She bullies him and tries to guilt him into things.  How do you remain neutral?  In another case the husband is being totally unreasonable in being unwilling to split an asset that is clearly marital.

What about when you have a controlling client or one who is trying to dominate the Process and the outcome?  How do you maintain neutrality in these matters.  What if one of the clients continually questions your work?

When in doubt, raise the question with the other team members.  That is the purpose of de-briefing.  We should always be asking whether our actions were warranted and within the scope of our duties.  Always question!